Loneliness

Loneliness is darkness
A never-ending night.
Even though the black won’t go away,
You’ll never fall asleep.
Because loneliness sparks a fear
And unlike other nightmares
Awakening will not vanish it;
For the darkness is too strong
To allow any rest.
It makes memories into ghosts
And dreams into spirits.
Too vague to remember
Too important to forget.

~K.L.

the office

So yesterday on a whim I decided to throw an office season premier party for my family...for a party thrown together over a few hours it turned out pretty good :)

The menu consisted of Stapler Jello, Schurte Farm Beets, hot dogs, Pretzels, and Schrute bucks and Stanley Nickels candy. We played Don't Eat Pete with the candy and then Yankee Swap where we recieved Office inspired gifts. Of course we also watched the premier and laughed a lot.

I don't own emotion, I rent.

I just had the opportunity to watch a live recording of the last ever show of RENT on broadway in NYC. The show ran 12 years, and I have had every word memorized for those 12 years. I feel the need to explain why I like the show so much, so if you aren't interested in RENT at all, don't bother reading on.

One day when I was 13 years old, I was watching the Tony awards and saw a performance that just struck the right note. It was called "Season's of Love" and was from a new show named Rent. They talked after about how the writer had died on opening day and how this show was revolutionary...then they awarded the show with the overall best musical award, along with many others. I was intrigued and the next day at the Murray library I saw the CD was available to check out. I remember my mom saying something about the hearing how inappropriate the show was so I let it be, but later that week I was so curious I stopped checked it out anyway. My friend Meagan and I instantly fell in love with it. We both loved broadway and this was the perfect new edition to our obsession. My life as a Renthead began.

I remember sneaking over to the library at lunch in high school to check out the CD over and over... "no day but today" became my personal mantra. My friend Doug was also in love with the show, and I remember my Aunt Frances and cousins loving it as well. It is hard to describe why, but the rent philosophy revolutionized my world. The music has been with me through a lot of interesting times...like when Dan, Laura, and I almost died on the highway in Idaho...it reminds me to take a breath and be human. It reminds me of what is really important.

My favorite messages:

no other path, no other way, no day but today...forget regret or life is yours to miss...to being an us for once, instead of a them...viva la vie boheme...the opposite of war isn't peace, it's creation...actual reality: act up fight aids!...will I lose my dignity? will someone care, will I wake tomorrow from this nightmare...you'll never share real love, until you love yourself...give into love or live in fear...I don't own emotion, I rent...to people living with, living with, living with, not dying from diease...when you're living in America at the end of the millenium, you're what you own...525,600 minutes, how do you measure, measure a year--measure in love- Seasons of love.

Thank you Jonathan Larsen.

laughing

Last night I had time after my shift to go hang with some friends for the first time in awhile. I seriously laughed a lot and it felt good. It was just some of my EFY buds...I am glad there are a bunch of them in SLC to P-town area so we can play more often (I guess that can be a reason I'm glad I am also in that area).

I love to laugh!

Because my camera was near death and we were laughing so much this is the best picture I could capture...good thing everyone else took pictures as well.

Say "toxic balls" !?!?!

I'm attempting to enjoy the day and a half I have off of precepting...there are so many things I should do, like clean my room, scrapbook, get caught up in school. I really don't want to do anything at all. Yesterday one of my favorite vintage joint's Secondhand Chic had a moving sale...$5 a bag. I got some pretty fun atomic age dishes, and a funny book from 1955 called "If I were a teen..." It contains a series of articles from the "Improvement Era" written by General Authorities for Teens. I also got some dishes to add to my camping dish collection. I am obsessed with this particular kind of dish and was super excited to find these plates. Don't even know what to call them. I also went to Michael's crafts and went a little crazy on the fall decoration thing. I obviously love fall, and I love decorating, so this wasn't too hard. I especially can't wait for Halloween decoration time...

Precepting has been pretty entertaining to say the least. I am still a hit and miss with IV's which really bothers me a lot. I know it takes time and practice, but I hate not being awesome at them. I have seen a pretty wide variety of things although I'm glad as I train my ED isn't as crazy as Toni's!!! Can't wait to someday be at that point though!

In other news Sarah and I are going to Cats tonight. Yes, Cats, you know the one where all the humans are in leotards dancing around to T.S. Eliot's rediculous poems. Can't hardly wait, I love it. :)

"Autumn is a second spring when every flower is a leaf."

Pictures at 2nd Dam, Logan Canyon.

September 10, 2008

Remembering 9/11

Today is September 11th. I usually try to do something patriotic as a rememberance but today I am at clinical for school. Some thoughts about that day 7 years ago.

Leslie's mom woke us up saying the pentagon had been bombed or something so we ran to turn on the TV to see the second WTC get hit by a plane live. Totally shocking and random. Of course the TV remained on the rest of the day and I skipped all of my classes except Psychology, I thought that would be an interesting one to attend. Sure enough my teacher decided to have a "discussion" time and about 5 minutes into it a fist fight broke out between some international students and some red-necks. Sorry that is the best way to describe it. I couldn't believe the nerve of some people. Later USU had a candlelight vigil in mourning of the event and I remember that Shayla Jabber's older brother gave the benediction. He is a Muslim and I was glad to see most people maintained common sense and recognized that not all Islamic people are suicide bombers. I also remember a lot of songs coming out on the radio combining news footage with lyrics. This is when Collective Soul's "the world I know" became my favorite song.

I remember going to NYC and looking at the WTC site a couple years ago and then going to the the Fire Dept of NY's museum and seeing pictures and artifacts...it was almost sacred.

"Patriotism is expressed by flying the flag, but it is more. Patriotism means we share a single country. In all our diversity, each of us has a bond with every other American. Patriotism is proven in our concern for others, a willingness to sacrifice for people we may never have met or seen. Patriotism is our obligation to those who have gone before us, to those who will follow us, and to those who have died for us." -President George W. Bush (June 2002)

best day(s)

Today officially marks my favorite set of months. No not because it's labor day, but because it is fall. I love September 1st through January 1st a lot. First of all I love it becasue of the air. I love the smell and texture of fall air. I wish I could take a picture of the air. [insert mental picture here] The air is crisp and smells like end of summer BBQ's, bonfires, leaves, pumpkins, and apples. Soon the leaves will be changing too. Then comes the parade of holidays. Halloween (i've already got my costume planned) then Thanksgiving with its glorious food and shopping, and of course Christmas Eve and Christmas and New years. Then the best months are over and I have to wait it out til July the only other good month. I can't decided how to celebrate first...going on a walk? Making apple crisp? Maybe for now I will just sit on my porch and enjoy the air.